u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
