I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Randomize
