im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize