Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
