Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
