I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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