just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
