Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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