Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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