see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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