Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
