I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize