2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
