My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
