Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
