I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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