Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Damn victory sex feels great
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize