sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
