You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
