Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the condom got lost in my hair
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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