just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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