OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
