I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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