I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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