I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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