I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
