Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
