and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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