They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
