Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
