My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
