even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
