ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
