She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
