I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
