You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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