i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize