It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
