on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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