i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
