im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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