Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
