i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
