I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
