I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
