my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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