I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
