I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
