Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
