It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
