I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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