she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
