And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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