My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
