There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize