A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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