if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
pop tarts are not kleenex
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
