At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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