More tranny stories later!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
