I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
