i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw a hot homeless man
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
