I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
