i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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