I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
