Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
