We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
