I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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