it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
