i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
