Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
