I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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