Sponge bath it is.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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