we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
