why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
